Forever and Ever

We cannot go through life with the notion that just because our parents failed, then we’re genetically disposed to that very failure. I refuse to believe this about marriage.

I don’t believe in divorce. I’ve said this for as long as I can remember and each time I say it, I truly believe that one cannot stand before a priest and make a promise to God and go back on it some years later just because the going got elephant-skin tough while your skin wrinkled. I also believe that we are inclined to sway in the direction of that which is familiar to us because it’s a safer route. The unknown when coupled with self-doubt is too daunting a task for the average lost soul to want to wander into. So of course we're more likely to surrender our futures to a past that's more familiar.
 

Personally, I have only two examples of happy marriages. Two. I have lived for 30 years and can only yield two relationships that still fuel the spark of belief within me, of a beautiful institute that I want to one day be a part of. There could’ve been none and I’d probably still believe that two insane human beings can decide to build a life together, supporting each other, and still remain individuals. It’s so important to me that I remain my own person outside of the union. I want someone crazy enough to want to sit with me on a stoep when we’re in our 70s and 80s and still have conversations about music; politics; our annoyingly precious grandkids and our ungrateful children before we go and see which sex positions we could attempt without having to call for help to get out of them.

A lot gets in the way of achieving these happily ever afters and I’m not sure that a death threat to my beau will be sufficient to keep him from straying and betraying me. I’m not entirely sure that the same threat can keep ME from straying and betraying him either but I’d like to think that we can try to dumb down the noise enough to always hear our hearts as they beat for each other.

I cannot go through any more of this life not believing that I can have a happily ever after. I deserve it. I hope I’m with the man who believes this too.