The effort that goes into having an adulterous romance/roll in the hay is exhausting. I've always been one to excuse those past behaviors with: "he's not married so he's fair game". Did I ever think about the other girl? No. She did not affect my relationship with her man, so it was cool.
I've been in this Shakespearean tragedy twice. The first time around, it was a decision I made as a result of boredom from being single. Second time around: I wanted attention that I wasn't getting (after pleading for it) from a man I was seeing at the time. I have troubles letting go of something I cherish. It's an attachment issue I'm trying to rehabilitate from.
Anyway, It didn't help that said 1st guy...let's call him Hottie...was a great shag. That's not even what I was after. It was just a bonus! I mean...I meet a hot guy in a foreign land, and it turns out he lives 5 minutes (read: 10 minutes) away from my gran's house?! I got excited. After weeks of having established a "relationship", I found out that he's been in a two year relationship. Hurt? Yes, I was. I didn't love him. Didn't even see myself as his anything even with his daily visits to "check up on me". He was a habit. One I enjoyed thoroughly and it now turned out that I was "the other woman". Did I throw a tantrum and tell him to leave his woman for me? No. I knew even back then that "if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you". Did I let him go? No. Instead, I did the unthinkable: I formulated feelings for him, so that I could justify why I was still keeping this sex-god around. Alas, that justification didn't last too long either because I eventually got bored with the thoughts of wondering if he's with her and broke things off after a fight that bleached my t-shirt and Hottie's (this is a story for another day).
The other story reads like something out of an "I told you so" book. Girl sees something on Boy's update that reminds her of another Boy she used to love...still loves... who "introduced" her to her favourite rapper. Girl starts to notice that this is not a once-off update...this new Boy is actually someone who has a lot in common with Girl. Problem: Boy has several commitments that Girl cannot compete with. So Girl steps back and allows the "relationship" to be platonic. But then Girl meets Boy for the first time and tries hard to keep from drooling, and well...the platonic galaxy lost gravity and so did the senses and clothes.
I guess I can blame the horns that were in my hormones that day. No? No...that would be a lie. I wanted him for the thrill. For experiencing what could've been. Nothing irks me more than "what ifs". It was all about me. Not him, and most definitely not his person. This is someone whom had I met four years ago, I would've had his babies solely because I was in love with his mind. We could have conversations no one else would understand. We were those annoying people who have inside jokes for everything under the sun. I love it when I don't have to explain things like: "breaking my fast" or my "Ketchup" joke. Not once have I had to explain or break it down for Boy to understand what the fuck I was on about. This sounds more romanticized than it was in my head. Mxm! The difference between Boy and Hottie is that I got too attached to Boy. Great sex and great conversations are my ideal combo and when you have that with someone who is unavailable for anything long-term, you have to let it go. So I did.
Anyway, there's too much effort in being the other woman. Twice have I been her. Not once did I fool myself into thinking that anything concrete would come from our evil doings. Why did I do it then? Simple: I explored those relationships for selfish reasons and let them go for obvious ones.
I've been in this Shakespearean tragedy twice. The first time around, it was a decision I made as a result of boredom from being single. Second time around: I wanted attention that I wasn't getting (after pleading for it) from a man I was seeing at the time. I have troubles letting go of something I cherish. It's an attachment issue I'm trying to rehabilitate from.
Anyway, It didn't help that said 1st guy...let's call him Hottie...was a great shag. That's not even what I was after. It was just a bonus! I mean...I meet a hot guy in a foreign land, and it turns out he lives 5 minutes (read: 10 minutes) away from my gran's house?! I got excited. After weeks of having established a "relationship", I found out that he's been in a two year relationship. Hurt? Yes, I was. I didn't love him. Didn't even see myself as his anything even with his daily visits to "check up on me". He was a habit. One I enjoyed thoroughly and it now turned out that I was "the other woman". Did I throw a tantrum and tell him to leave his woman for me? No. I knew even back then that "if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you". Did I let him go? No. Instead, I did the unthinkable: I formulated feelings for him, so that I could justify why I was still keeping this sex-god around. Alas, that justification didn't last too long either because I eventually got bored with the thoughts of wondering if he's with her and broke things off after a fight that bleached my t-shirt and Hottie's (this is a story for another day).
The other story reads like something out of an "I told you so" book. Girl sees something on Boy's update that reminds her of another Boy she used to love...still loves... who "introduced" her to her favourite rapper. Girl starts to notice that this is not a once-off update...this new Boy is actually someone who has a lot in common with Girl. Problem: Boy has several commitments that Girl cannot compete with. So Girl steps back and allows the "relationship" to be platonic. But then Girl meets Boy for the first time and tries hard to keep from drooling, and well...the platonic galaxy lost gravity and so did the senses and clothes.
I guess I can blame the horns that were in my hormones that day. No? No...that would be a lie. I wanted him for the thrill. For experiencing what could've been. Nothing irks me more than "what ifs". It was all about me. Not him, and most definitely not his person. This is someone whom had I met four years ago, I would've had his babies solely because I was in love with his mind. We could have conversations no one else would understand. We were those annoying people who have inside jokes for everything under the sun. I love it when I don't have to explain things like: "breaking my fast" or my "Ketchup" joke. Not once have I had to explain or break it down for Boy to understand what the fuck I was on about. This sounds more romanticized than it was in my head. Mxm! The difference between Boy and Hottie is that I got too attached to Boy. Great sex and great conversations are my ideal combo and when you have that with someone who is unavailable for anything long-term, you have to let it go. So I did.
Anyway, there's too much effort in being the other woman. Twice have I been her. Not once did I fool myself into thinking that anything concrete would come from our evil doings. Why did I do it then? Simple: I explored those relationships for selfish reasons and let them go for obvious ones.
